Life in the middle…

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072907Life in the middle.  I don’t feel it.  Well, I take that back… sometimes I feel it.   When I get up in the morning: the stiffness of the night takes a bit more of the morning to work out than it once had.  When I look in the mirror: I’m seeing more of my forehead and less of my hair… and the hair I do see is slightly peppered with salt.

I tend to think about life way more… which is saying a lot considering I do that all the time anyway… I think about my family more… and see that priorities, proclivities, intentions, inclinations and perspectives have shifted to such a degree that… I’m just a different person.  I’ve always thought about tomorrow, it’s just now there’s less tomorrow to think about.

I’ve lived long enough to see patterns and cycles complete and come back again.  I’ve lived long enough to see that I am now the generation younger generations look to.  Living is now attached to a responsibility I never had before.  I really don’t want that responsibility, but as my mother always said, “Tough sh-t, you have to deal with it.”

As a kid, I remember grown-ups being so… grown up.  I see that they were as old then as I am now.  Why don’t I act like them?  I don’t feel it at all.

I tend to look at the sky and clouds more.  I try and jam more feeling and thoughts into my brain.  Extra memories for the days I can’t make as many.  I worry.  I obsess.  The problem with constantly thinking about tomorrow is that you neglect today.   I’m working on that too.

The notion that we are all “works in progress” is more apparent to me than it ever was.  We’re not perfect out of the box.

The tone of the strip is changing to reflect this part of the life cycle.  It wasn’t from design, it’s just organic.  I can’t help it… it goes where it goes.  It’d be foolish to even try and write from the perspective of the 26-year-old who began this journey.  It wouldn’t work. It is what it is:  a little stiffer, more mature with a dash of experience and bitterness.

I welcome you to the dawning (and drawing) of Frank’s middle age.

Painting the garage…

104_2372

What my garage looked like two paint jobs ago in a galaxy far, far away.

Spent a nice chunk of my Saturday painting the garage.  I last painted it in 2009… and I have fond memories of that go-around.  It’s not just open the can, dip the brush, spread and repeat.  Oh no.  This job requires scraping.  Lots of scraping.  The only reason I’m painting is because the last layer of paint is peeling off.  It’s paint on wood… it happens.

You can’t paint over peeling paint… defeats the whole purpose.  You must scrape the offending layer off leaving a nice, new-ish surface for your application.  I may not know a lot, but I do know that.

I have to say, the scraping was a lot easier seven years ago.  I had to borrow a large 10 ft. ladder to get the upper areas… It was the same wooden ladder that I borrowed seven years ago.  Neither one of us aged very well.  Several factors were in play – the ladder was older, the ground was less level, I was older and possibly a littler heavier.  All that to tell you this: I was particularly scared out of my mind scraping paint 8 feet off the ground.  It felt like 800 feet.  I don’t remember being that scared in 2009.

It took me a few hours, but I got the scraping and painting all done.

I did not document the process with my iPhone… as a culture we’re so eager to do.  I’ve done my fair share of that… I chose to keep this one in my head.  I chose to experience the process instead of documenting the process.  It probably went a little faster because of that.

Do we just experience anything anymore?  It has become almost an involuntary reflex to pull out the phone when something in front of you betrays the margin slightly.  What the hell is that?  I do it too.  I still do it.  I also catch myself and stop it too.

Perfect example – Lauren getting her black belt.  She was up on that stage with her class, experiencing a moment, getting the payoff from years of hard work and dedication.  And there was me, proud and weepy in the audience… watching her moment with my iPhone directly in my line of sight.  I wasn’t the only audience member with an obstructed view.  Moms, dads, uncles, aunts, brothers and sisters all watching their loved ones through a screen… despite them being only 2o ft. away.  I didn’t realize it at the time, it was only after I understood.

I was more concerned with focus and framing than I was with my little girl’s big moment.  I got some good images, but I missed i too.

Yes, we can go back and remember.  But will we remember the moment or the framing of the moment?

By the way… the garage looks good… take my word for it… pictures aren’t always necessary.

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goals and systems…

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One step leads to another.

Where is he going with this?

I’ve spent a lot of time working on this comic.  It stopped being an occupation a very long time ago.  Initially, I started the strip to possibly get a syndication deal and make a living.  I The goal was to become a syndicated cartoonist.  The ONLY thing I’d do is the strip… that would be my job.

That was the plan.
That was the goal.
That was almost 15 years ago.

51NrS9MAT9L._SX329_BO1,204,203,200_I recently finished reading How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big: Kind of the Story of My Life by Scott Adams.  I wouldn’t say that the text changed my life per se- despite the fact that Astronaut/Artist Capt. Alan Bean sent me his personal copy (!).  Capt. Bean said that he got some ideas from it and maybe it could help me.  When a Apollo astronaut tells you it could help, you tend to give that “help” some greater scrutiny.

So, yeah.  As I said before… the goal was to become a syndicated cartoonist.  But Adams contends that by setting a goal for myself, I most likely set myself up for guaranteed failure… because anything achieved short of the goal is technically a failure.  Goal setting is for suckers.

Adams believes that people who create SYSTEMS for success are more successful.  I cried bullsh-t on that when I read it.  But, Alan Bean says it could help… I put the bullsh-t aside and read on.  The more I read, the more it kind of made sense.  Creating a system of work that builds on work is more realistic.  It allows for greater leeway and creates situations that may take you on different, unintended, yet positive paths.  The goal I set for myself way back in 2002 was not a way to ensure success.  Going by that, I failed out of the gate.  Failed for a decade and a half.  I’m failing while writing this.

That’s not to say it’s been a waste.  It has not by any means.  It just means that my goal held me back and focused me so much that I may have missed a ton in the periphery.  I don’t know what that periphery was/is.  But believe me when I say this:  From this point on, I’m looking all around.

It’s not an occupation, it’s my life.  It’s not a goal.  It’s a system.

Now I just have to figure out how to create a system… other than “looking all around”.

a new character?

ladybug

For those of you new to the squirrel scene, you need to know this: we grow sunflowers. They’re kind of our thing… and not just because squirrels love them.  We love them.  It was the primary flower in our wedding.   Last year I planted a ton… thinking that nature would cull most of them.  We got a ton.  It was great.

This year, I selectively planted here and there.  So far we’ve done okay.  This year’s crop is grown from last year’s crop.

Last night, I noticed we have new livestock on our tiny farm.  Ladybugs.  Lots of ladybugs.  They especially love the yet-to-flower sunflowers.  So, don’t be surprised if a new diminutive, yet sassy character makes an appearance in a future strip.